apatheticq's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A few things you already knew. I hate the pull of your heart. That gravity towards attachment, and overwhelming urge to do things against your better judgement. I hate when you tell yourself exactly what not to do, and then do it anyway. I hate this resentment, and fear. I hate that nothing seems to make anything any better. I hate that I know what I have to do, and yet can never come up with the strength to do it. I hate that I can't get to sleep at night, because all I can do is repeat things that I would say if I had the chance to say anything. I hate that I wish we never happened. I hate that I don't appriciate anything I have, because all I seem to remember is what I don't. I hate that I am drinking right now even though I cannot stand alochol. I hate how much I hate everything. I hate my fake attempts at recovery. I hate my desperation. And I hate that I know that it is all relatively meaningless, and that in 6 months none of it will be on my mind at all, and I will be off in another set of tangents that will inevitably end horribly, and thus take me back to this place. I hate being so predicitable. -p2 6:06 p.m. - December 28, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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